“I believe in process. I believe in four seasons. I believe that winter’s tough, but spring’s coming. I believe that there’s a growing season. And I think that you realize that in life, you grow. You get better.” –Steve Southerland
It’s the first day of Spring and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m looking forward to watching the trees and flowers start to bloom, and to getting some regular sunshine! I’ve been on a little bit of a hiatus. This winter has been tough. That’s a really hard thing for me to admit. I’ll tell you why.
For starters, I kicked off 2017 with a good old dose of strep throat that traveled into my ear. That was fun! (Not!) It took a solid two weeks before I started to feel like myself. It really knocked me on my ass and so did our unusually grey winter.
I actually love Winter. Being born and raised in Toronto, I’m very used to the snow, slush and cold. Freezing temperatures are fine by me, as long as it’s still sunny. Unfortunately, January was extremely grey. The sun was nowhere to be found and in it’s absence, my spirit slowly diminished.
It’s very much unlike me to spend time feeling sorry for myself. I’m a firm believer in the importance of processing the emotions I’m feeling, when I’m feeling them. Humans are hardwired to feel certain emotions because they serve a purpose. However, I believe staying stuck in those emotions to be problematic. I try my best to not stay stuck. This was the first time in my life that I can remember actually feeling depressed as a result of the weather. it was strange for me but very real. I worked through it the best I knew how. I kept myself busy with work and social events and just as I felt I was about to come up out of my rut, I received news that a good friend of mine had been killed.
It was a very difficult time. I didn’t have a formula for dealing with this type of situation. Never had I lost anyone to a senseless act of violence. I never could have imagined knowing the depths and magnitude of such sorrow. My brain was unable to compute why something like this was happening. This propelled me into,“I can’t cope,” territory, and that is where I stayed until very recently. It wasn’t a great place, and I’m glad I’m through it now.
Consequently, winter wasn’t as magical this year as it usually is. But it caused me to switch my focus a little bit, and really think about life, from a different perspective. Life is short, and unpredictable, and every fleeting moment is precious. I’m tremendously grateful for my family and friends that consistently lend me shoulders to cry on and laugh out loud belly laughs. You are my everything. Thank you for keeping me whole.
Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity.
Rest in Peace Kirk Wilson